Monday, January 31

I'm So Sorry

Something that has always been a challenge for me is consolation.  I feel the want to support, and comfort so strongly when someone I know needs it.. but get deeply lost in convincing myself that I'll do it wrong.  That a hug isn't what they want or need, they need a solution to this problem or a way to distract themselves from a loss.  My logical thought process on this subject has left me appearing distant and uninterested more than I'm sure I even know about.  I'll be the first person to say I don't need a hug, so that's where I'm starting.  If I can pry myself open to feel the benefit of consolation then I can learn to be natural when giving it back.  At least that's my hypothesis.

To all my friends I didn't hug, I'm sorry, I really wanted to.. and that's the last apology you'll get.

5 comments:

  1. I find consolation hard too, I suspect a lot of people do. I tend to touch people more than actually feels natural to me, and it has gone over well so far. And one can ask people what they need of course. Interesting hypothesis, I'm not good at receiving consolation either, so there might be something to it.

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  2. My problem isn't with physical affection- I can never find the words to say. In pretty much any situation- even blogging or responding to comments- I have a hard time saying what I mean and sounding correct. It's worse with people who have a problem - I can never say anything more than "Oh, I'm sorry".

    Good post. I like this one. I like your last line- it's almost like a song. "I'm sorry I never hugged you, and that's the last apology you get"

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  3. I have trouble with this too because
    1) I feel that anything I say sounds trite
    2) I worry so much about what other people think of me that it cripples me because I'm afraid I'll do the wrong thing and they'll always remember me for being that inappropriately consoling figure during their time of grief.

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  4. Yep. I'm always worried people will interpret any lengthy statement as me trying to make it "about me" or something. :/ It's tricky. Oh, and if you still want my number, email me! <333

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  5. I think the important part is to let the friend know that you want to help but are unsure how. Let them know that you want to hug them by why you restrain yourself from acting upon it.
    I used to feel untouchable. Turns out? I was giving off a major "fuck you" vibe without realizing it. When a friend told me after I asked her why no one hugged me goodbye after hugging everyone else in our group, I was stunned but grateful for the knowledge.
    Hugging is such a social norm in the US, but it's difficult for a lot of people. I always say go with your heart and when it's conflicted to go with your gut. =0)

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