Dear Media-Consumer Who Is Apparently Incapable of Independent and/or Critical Thinking,
Do I have the attention of the class? Good. I would now like to extend my middle finger to every fear mongering fucktard out there who believes and propagates the notion that OMG ALL FAT PEOPLE HAVE DIABETES! Now that that's out of the way, I will now extend my other middle finger to all those who say you can't be fat AND healthy.
So, I used to have recurrent urinary tract infections. It totally sucked, but as long as I had a steady supply of prescription-strength Azo, Gatorade, and antibiotics, my sense of humor carried me through. I hit my breaking point when I got my third UTI in three months. Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick, that is unreasonable! I popped a super-Azo, got an appointment with my doctor, and did some research on the internet. Apparently, if you have them as frequently as I did, the doctor can set you up with preventative antibiotics. Something like Macrobid that functions only within the urinary system and that doesn't set you up for antibiotic resistance. That sounded like just the plan, because I know all of my "triggers", and some of them are simply unavoidable, like sex and excessive sweating. I printed up some articles and went in armed with knowledge. After a blissfully candid and humorous conversation with my doctor (and some poor, unsuspecting medical student), I came away with enough antibiotics to nuke the current infection, plus some extra so I can pop one whenever I encounter a situation that might trigger an infection, and an appointment to see a urologist, since I obviously have "structural issues" with my bladder and/or urethra. Hooray, genetics.
Now, the only thing more annoying than recurring UTIs is the people who say "OMFG YOU ARE FAT AND YOU GET UTIS, YOU HAS DA BEETUS AND YOU IS GONNA DIE COS THE BEETUS IS GONNA EATS YOU!" I told the doctor that I was sick of hearing that crap every time I told someone that I had YET ANOTHER UTI. We had a laugh, then I asked him if we could check my blood sugar, just so I'd have a number to toss out next time someone tried to feed me that line of horse shit. The doctor flat out told me that I'm a very healthy individual and that he would have already tested me if he thought it was possible, but sure, why not, if it would get some annoying people off my back, he'd test me. Sure enough, my non-fasting blood sugar (after eating Froot Loops for breakfast, no less) was 111.
Time to drop trou and beat out a drum solo of victory on my fat ass!!!
This made me feel really, REALLY good, like I actually HAVE ammo besides "Well, um, I eat reasonably well, do yoga, and have no major illnesses, so I'm fine." when well-intentioned but incredibly obnoxious people say "...BUT WHAT ABOUT YOUR HEALTH???"
NEENER FUCKIN' NEENER, HATERS! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Now, for the sake of reality and fairness, I know that it may not always be this way. I know that, as I age, I could very well develop diabetes or any of the myriad "fatty illnesses". But just once, just for that moment, being able to silence the concern trolls with the magic of SCIENCE??? Priceless.
The bottom line is, unless you have a medical degree, you can't tell what's going on in my insides by looking at my outside. Sometimes, the medical degree doesn't give you an advantage over some random asshole on the street. You can't see that my blood pressure is consistantly in the low-normal range, and that now that I have the UTIs under control, my only recurrent health problem is migraines, and migraines don't give a damn about your dress size. My health is between my doctor and I, and my husband, but only because I've given him that privilege. So stop fucking "diagnosing" people unless they specifically ask for your input. You watched Oprah? Saw a special about TEH OBEESITEE CRYSIS? Good for you. I enjoy science fiction, too.
In good health,