Regretfully Yours

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying."  And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

To me, clowns aren't funny.  In fact, they're kinda scary.  I've wondered where this started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad.

I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes I bet you can really see it in those genitals.

Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke."  But to me that's what her dinner tasted like.

Sometimes the beauty of the world is so overwhelming, I just want to throw back my head and gargle.  Just gargle and gargle, and I don't care who hears me, because I am beautiful.

Deep Thoughts  by Jack Handey


  1. Hell yeah, Jack Handey!
    “If God dwells inside us like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting”


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