Double Double Featurette

In her words, Julie "lives in the sweaty muffin top of the Bible belt.  She and her husband are owned by two cats.  Her "guilty" pleasures include Pepsi, Lamb Vindaloo, and chocolate chip cookies.  At least, they would be if she believed the simple pleasures in life had any business associating with guilt."


Dear Fat Acceptance Movement,

First and foremost, I need to tell you how much I love you.  In the three years we've been together, you've truly brought out the best in me.  Most importantly, you put the sexy woman back in my mirror.  You helped me to understand that the only opinion of my size and my appearance that matters is mine.  You taught me that I can be healthy regardless of my weight or BMI, then showed me what a crock of shit BMI really is.

I don't wanna quit you, FA, but we need to have a talk.  While I recognize that there is no hivemind of FA, there is one recurring issue that occasionally rears its ugly head, so frequently that I wouldn't know that there was no hivemind from the outside looking in.  Someone makes an offhand remark, and THE ALMIGHTY HAND OF PC JESUS reaches through the screen and smacks around the n00bs who screw up.  Just for using the wrong terminology or turn of phrase, or for saying something that falls on the murky gray outline of an -ism, or pretty much any other well-meaning but poorly delivered statement.  I am so sick of seeing people who are new to FA (and the inevitable cultural and sociological awareness that comes along with it in time) made to feel stupid, hateful, or like some sort of -ist just because they said something ill-advised.  Please, by all means, set them straight, but it shouldn't be too much to ask for those who have more knowledge (especially you SRS PROFESSOR types--you know who you are) to just BE NICE when correcting someone.

Don't you look at me in that tone of voice.  Get down off your soapbox about how you're SOOO TIRED of people being OMG UNEDUCATED about social issues.  While you're at it, here's a step ladder and a pocket knife so you can get down off the cross, too.  Not everyone's a Phd.  Some of us are still in high school.  Some of us (gasp!) never finished (or attempted) college.  And that's all equally valid.  Here's the facts:

Most fatties aren't introduced to FA by an understanding, sympathetic friend or family member.  Very few of us, especially the uninitiated, are a part of your clique, and the majority of us have no aspirations to break through the spun-sugar ceiling.  Many of us, myself included, wandered in off the streets, weary and hurting, sweat pooling under the boobs, just looking for a place of comfort, to be amongst "our own".  I got my own fair share of screeds about language and word choice when I was new to FA.  Every single time, the actual message didn't sink in for a few days because it was so rudely delivered, and I was baffled as to why someone would feel the need to be so harsh to someone who had made an honest mistake.  Folks who took the high road and said "Hey, you might want to rethink your word choice here because ________", without fail, received a "Oh wow, I'm sorry, I wasn't aware it could be taken like that."  DONE.  HANDLED.  Everyone ends the exchange on a high note, and we all have milk and cookies.

Everyone comes to FA under different circumstances.  So you came to FA through a women's studies class?  Your best friend showered you in FA links and literature?  You've been an activist for a decade?  Awesome.  Must be nice.  But instead of lacerating the weak-kneed fawns of FA, how about YOU check YOUR privilege before correcting someone.

"Check your privilege."  Good god, I know it needs to be said, but when I hear that phrase in conjuncture with an academic rant of some sort, it strikes me as the pinnacle of hypocrisy.

Because, see, it all plays out like this.

You and your fattie BFF are floating in the deep end of a giant pool.  A gorgeous, sparkling XXL pool filled with glorious fatties.  You've got your luxurious pool floatie and a fancy drink, and you're wearing your brand new bikini, belly rolls be praised!  You're gossiping amongst yourselves, watching the Rubenesque beauties unironically cannonballing from the high dive, and waving to the fatties in the shallow end, t-shirt over their one-piece apology of a swimsuit, motioning for them to come closer, to shed the tent-like tee that's just slowing them down in the water, and maybe one or two of them do.  The door to the locker room creaks open and another fattie walks out, cautiously but undeterred.  She grasps the hand rail in her pudgy fist and dips one foot into the water.  The lifeguard screams "WHAT THE FUCK, BITCH?  YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!  THAT IS NOT THE WAY WE GET IN THE POOL HERE!  WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING, STEPPING INTO THE POOL LIKE THAT!  SHAME!  SHAAAAME!!!"  She stands, mouth gaping, paralyzed for a moment, then runs, leaving her towel and sunglasses behind, back to the safety in the shadows in the locker room.  Homegirl is NEVER coming back to this pool.

Let's be real honest and accept the fact that many who come to FA do so because of the hurts we've suffered in the past.  It gives us a framework for WHY we're fine just as we are, and how to deal with folks who say we must alter our physical selves to be a person of value.  No matter how you come to FA, it's rare that someone does without having been wounded due to their size, shape, or physical traits.  So why beat them up more?  If they're making that sort of mistake, there's a 85% chance they're new to FA, a 10% chance they've been around awhile but just unintentionally ate shoeleather, and MAYBE a 5% chance that they really are a sexist/racist/homophobic asshole.  I'm all for educating people about the weight their words carry and the unintentional harm they may cause, however, we should be able to gently correct each other and give each other the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise.

FA, I know you're smart and wise as the day is long.  At your best, you're a soft hug from a dear friend who smells like grandma's purse.  You're loving and reassuring, accepting and welcoming, fun and flattering.  And I simply cannot thank you enough for bringing Brenda Jean (and Kae and Alexys, and Nicole, and...) into my life.  That said, at your worst, you're cold and elitist, conceited and self-righteous and dare I say...a bit of a bully.  So cut it out already.  There are enough people in our lives, our families, the media, and the entire world that are out to make us feel less-than for being more-than.  Let's let bygones be bygones and fully embrace ourselves and each other from this day forward.

Let's let compassion be our guide.

Love,
Me